


Midnight Drives

by vangogh_hoe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Destiel Fluff, Destiel Week, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grinding, Head Cannon, Human Castiel, Impala, Insomniac Castiel, Insomniac Dean, Late Night Conversations, Late at Night, M/M, No Gadreel (Supernatural), Post Season 8, Roadtrip, Summer Nights, Tired Castiel, Tired Dean, headcannon, late night roadtrip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 01:35:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8308645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vangogh_hoe/pseuds/vangogh_hoe
Summary: Cas and Dean are having trouble sleeping, so they set out on a small midnight adventure to pass the time. Set in season 9, if there was no Gadreel, and Cas could stay at the bunker.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so this is my first work and I think it turned out pretty good. Please leave comments both good and bad and make sure to leave kudos if you enjoy!

    It’s been a restless night. He’s only been able to doze off for a couple minutes every once in a while but keeps waking up with a busy mind, figuring it’s just a side effect from hunting for so many years. He looks over at the clock by the bedside and sees the red digital numbers reading 1:47. There’s still around 4 hours till sun up, and about another couple hours till Sammy, Cas, and Kevin all get up. He decides that he can’t sleep and should stop fighting it, so he lazily gets out of bed and slips some pants on before entering the hallway of the bunker. He silently makes his way to the kitchen, carefully trying not to wake anyone up. He shuffles his way to the fridge, but upon being greeted with the bright interior light when he opened the door, decides he isn't in the mood for beer, so he just gets some tap water. He then takes his water and goes to the library, so he can at least make some use his insomnia and do some research on demonic omens and freaky accidents that may have happened lately. But, when he gets to the doorway of the library, a yellowy hue coming from one of the desk lamps catches his eye. He adjusts his gaze ever so slightly and sees a figure sitting at the desk. It turns toward him and says a simple, “Hello Dean.”  
    “Cas, what the hell are you doing up? You’re human now. You know humans gotta sleep sometime…”  
    Castiel sighs, “Ever since the fall, I—I’ve had some… difficulty sleeping. I guess I'm just not used to it yet.”  
    Dean makes his way over to where Cas is and sits across from him. He leans forward in his chair and says, “You know you coulda came to me and I coulda helped you, right?”  
    Cas’ heart dropped to his stomach. Ever since Metatron conned him out of his grace, Cas has felt useless. Without his, as Dean calls it, ‘Angel Mojo’, he is of no help to the Winchesters and is painfully aware of it. And to add onto that, it is his fault that the angels are locked out of heaven. The last thing he wants to do is give Dean and Sam another thing to worry about, which includes his little sleeping problem. Castiel, avoiding eye contact at all costs, replies, “I didn't want to be of any bother to you.”  
Dean knows exactly what he meant by that. He knows how Cas thinks Sam and himself see him. How useless and guilty Cas feels, but it isn't the case because, sure the Angelic powers come in damn handy sometimes, at the end of the day, he’d rather have totally powerless Cas than no Cas at all. And it physically hurts Dean that Cas doesn't understand that. That he doesn't even know how much he means to him. How much he just needs him.  
    Dean leans even more forward in his chair, trying to catch Castiel's gaze and says with a smirk, “Cas look at me. I’m going to help you, and you're just going to have to deal with it.”  
Castiel looks back to Dean and their eyes locked together. They stay just like that for many seconds, until Dean leans back in his chair and sipped on his water. He brings the mug down from his mouth and asks, “So what should we do to pass the time?”  
Castiel just shrugs and looks down at the table. Dean sets his mug down and begins to impatiently rock in his chair while his eyes drift all over the room around them. After about 2 minutes of just sitting, Dean has had enough and quickly stands up.  
“Common get up,” he orders.  
    Castiel has a confused look in his eyes and he tilts his head ever so slightly to the side while furrowing his brows.  
“Where are we going?” he asks while slowly getting to his feet, eyes squinted.  
“We are going on a drive since we have absolutely nothing else entertaining to do.”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — —

    They slip some shoes on and make their way up the stairs and out of the bunker. The air outside is warm and only slightly chilly when a small breeze passes by, but other than that, it’s perfect. It’s a pretty clear night, with only little cloud cover. They walk down the road a little ways to where the Impala is parked. Dean opens his door and slides in and Castiel does the same.  
Dean turns toward him and asks, “Where to, Cas?”  
Castiel looks him in the eyes. He hasn't given any thought to where they’d be going and honestly doesn't care. He always enjoys his time with Dean, and something about being with him brings him a calmness that nothing else has ever brought him in all the millennia that he's existed.  
    “I- I don't care,” is all he could come up with.  
    Apparently, it is enough for Dean because he just says, “Ok then.” and turns back toward the road and puts the car in drive. They drive for a long while without really saying anything, other than briefly commenting on, or in Dean’s case, singing to, the occasional song that comes on the radio. They’ve never needed to talk to get their emotions and thoughts across, though. Castiel guesses its one of the perks of having such a profound bond with someone, and it would make sense because once upon a time he did pull Dean’s soul out of Hell and rebuilt the human piece by piece. And even though Dean isn't communicating it, Cas can tell that something is eating him up inside, but figures Dean will talk about it when he's ready, and it’s not his place to pry.  
    They drive through the suburbs for a while and eventually end up in a small city. The roads are empty. Dean turned the radio off so the only sound they could hear was the purr of the Impala echoing off the small skyscrapers. Castiel turns toward Dean just in time to catch the sudden movement of Dean turning away from Cas and back towards the road. This makes Cas smile a little. As Castiel looks at Dean, he can’t help but notice how the passing orangey street lights illuminate Dean’s features. One second Deans cheekbones are highlighted on top and shadowed underneath, and his lashes cast shadows across the very tops of his cheeks, and his freckles are darker and easier to count, and his wind-blown hair is lit up around the edges. But then, in an instant, it is all dark again and he can only make out Dean’s silhouette until they drive under another streetlight, only a second later.  
    When they stop at a red light, Dean turns back to Cas, who is still staring at him. Dean notices Cas has major sex-hair due to the windows being open, and he wasn't gonna lie it looks pretty damn ho—//NO, NOPE, stop the thoughts before they start.// Dean quickly turns back toward the road, confused and embarrassed that he’d even start to think such things about his friend—No scratch that— his best friend. Luckily, right when he looked away from him, the light had turned green again so he at least had an excuse for his abrupt action. Not that it matters anyway, though; Castiel was already off in his own little world and didn't even notice.  
After staring at Dean and silently admiring him, he remembered that humans tend to get uncomfortable if stared at for too long, so he averts his eyes out his window. He watches the quiet city pass, building by building. The drive was a good call on Dean’s part because Cas could feel his mind settling down and his body relaxing. The warm wind across his face felt like nothing he’s ever felt before when he was an angel. It was simple and inviting. He sticks his head slightly out the window, just enough to see the sky above them. Although the city lights had hazed the sky over too much to see, Castiel can tell that it is a very clear night, and the stars would be clearly visible if just from a different location. He brings his head back into the car and looks at the time on the dash. It says it is 2:51. “Dean,” Cas begins, “I think would like to see the stars.”  
    Dean looks over at him, confusion riddled across his face.  
    “What?”  
    “I would like to see the stars, but the city lights are blocking them out.”  
    “Oh. Yeah, ok sure. Whatever you say.”  
    And with that, they are driving out of the city and into the rural parts of Kansas. They drive for an hour, give or take, still not saying much, which is perfectly fine by both of them. They had both been through so much crap recently and really needed to just let their minds wander and shut down a little, although Castiel just can’t shake the feeling that something is bothering Dean, and a small part of him started to worry no matter how much he tries to convince himself to just let it go.  
Dean has to drive down many country roads and then down a labyrinth of back roads, till he finally finds a spot that is dark enough to see millions of stars. He pulls off into the grass between the crops and the dirt road and stops the car.  
Cas immediately gets out of the car, shutting the door behind him, and stares up at the oceans of stars above him. “They…never cease to amaze me…” he said while still looking up.  
    Meanwhile, Dean is propping himself up on the hood of the car and leaning his back against the windshield. “Cas, come over here,” he says while motioning to the spot on the hood next to him.  
    Cas looks over to him with a small amount of confusion lingering in his eyes but does as he is told anyway.  
“Here, do what I’m doing. This way you can look at the stars for a longer time without hurting your neck.”  
Makes sense. Castiel effortlessly hops up onto the hood and leans back next to Dean. Cas also remembers that if humans get too close to one another if they are friends, and especially if they are both the same gender, it can cause an uncomfortable tension, so he makes sure to leave about a foot of space in between them.  
    Dean loses his mind in thought for a while. He stares up at the countless amounts of stars above him and tries to find as many constellations as he can, although only gets the big and little dipper, and Orion’s belt, for he never really knew any other constellations, even though he had always thought he did. How hard can it be to find a couple of stars, anyway? He marvels at how clear the sky is; To add onto the seeminglessly never ending amount of stars, he can see parts of the milky-way that he couldn't even imagine before. It looks like someone had cut open the sky and all this multi-colored metallic stardust was just seeping out from the laceration and melting into the surrounding galaxy. He remembers that back when he was just a kid, his dad had left him and Sammy on another hunter’s farm in Illinois while he went on a hunt for a couple of days. Since the hunter’s main job was being a farmer, he was out in his fields harvesting for most of the day, so when he got back at dusk, he’d eat and pass out on his bed and stay there till morning when he’d wake up at sunrise and do the routine over again. The man was very strict about the boys always staying in the house and out of trouble, but after the older hunter fell asleep for the night, Sam and he would sneak out of the house and go over by some of the barns. Dean remembers that the stars were always very bright and visible and Sammy would never shut up about them. He’d ask Dean all sorts of questions he didn't have the answers to, so Dean just made them up the best he could. They’d sit and look at them for hours on end and never get bored. Dean would always have to take Sammy back inside after a while because they’d both be shivering too much. A small smile makes its way onto Dean’s face as he remembers those times.  
     Dean’s glad that Cas wanted to see the stars because he’s a lot more relaxed now, maybe even enough to get a bit of sleep when they get back. He looks over to Cas expecting to see him just as relaxed as him, but instead finds him with eyes wide open and body tense.  
“Cas, dude, you gotta relax. What’s goin’ on, anyway? You’ve been off all night.”  
Cas turns his head toward Dean. “Nothing. I’m fine,” he says while turning back towards the sky and attempting to loosen up his posture as if to somehow prove his point.  
    “No you’re not. Talk to me.”  
    Castiel sits up straight and lets out a sigh that released all the tension he had built up. Dean is right; He isn't fine— Far from it, really. Dean had sat up too and was trying to look Cas in the eyes.  
    “I try to do good, I really do. All I’ve ever wanted to do was help people, but every time I attempt to be noble, I ruin everything and kill so many people and angels in the process. It’s like whatever I do, I can’t do good… I’m no good.” He looked down to his legs, ashamed.  
Dean just looks at Castiel, stunned, sad, angry, and also annoyed. “Listen to me Cas—”  
    “Dean,”  
    “No, let me talk,” Their eyes locked together and Cas can see all the emotion Dean is holding behind his eyes. “You have to understand that when trying to take matters into your own hand's things can and pretty much always will get messy. There will be casualties and those peoples’ blood is on your hands, but you just have to deal with it because it’s a part of the job. Just look at Sammy and me. I’ve got gallons of blood on my hands that I’ll never be able to scrub clean, no matter how hard I try. I wake up with nightmares almost every night from all the shit that I’ve had to do over the years—from all the people that I couldn’t save. But I have to live with it, and no matter how much bad we do, we’re always going to do twice as much good. I save people. People, who would have been dead if I hadn't killed something, now get to have a life. They get to go on and be parents and wives and husbands and have lives that would've been cut short otherwise. Ya, you should’ve listened to me about the whole cracking open the door to purgatory thing, but hey, you were just trying to help your family. You couldn't have known what all those souls would do to you or about the whole Leviathan thing. Just like you couldn't have known that Metatron was dicking you out of your grace and kicking the angels out of the Pearly Gates. You were always just trying to help. Most people wouldn’t even give two shits and they’d just stand by instead of doing anything about it. You actually cared and wanted change enough to go out and grab it yourself.”  
    Disgruntled, Cas replies, “You don't understand, Dean. I break everything I touch. All I do is destroy and murder. No matter what I do, I’ll never be able to redeem myself because I’ve singlehandedly caused too much damage,” His voice drops to a soft, pitiful tone, “I—I don't deserve to live while I kill everyone around me—”  
    “Don’t talk like that! Don't EVER talk like that! I’ve already lost you too many times I—” Dean’s voice starts to break but he pushes through it because he needs to know that—“I don't know what I’d do if I lost you again, Cas. I know how worthless and guilty and useless you feel, but you're not, ok? You just aren’t. I need you. You, and Sammy, and Kevin are all I have. Without you—” Castiel grabs Deans shoulder and Dean lets out a sigh he didn't even know he was holding in.  
    “I just can’t, Cas’. I can’t. I need you so much—” I love you. The words are right there but Dean can’t say them. All he can do is look Cas deep in the eyes and hope he understands what he’s trying to say. Dean’s eyes flick down to Cas’s lips and linger there for a bit before flicking back up to his eyes. He notices that Cas’ eyes were beginning to well with tears, and his heart dropped at the sight. He’s never seen Cas cry before and never wants to. Just the thought makes Dean cringe; To know that he is suffering in that way  
just— and to make it worse to know that he can't help him, no matter how hard he tries because Cas won't let him in. He has to help him, though because he can’t just stand by and watch Cas destroy himself. He won’t.  
    They stare deep into each other’s eyes. So many emotions are being told without either of them actually talking. Castiel blinks, which forces the tear drip over, and down his face. Dean reaches up and cups Cas’ cheek with his hand and wipes the tear from his face with the pad of his thumb. Cas’ leans into the touch, and Dean tentatively brings up his other hand and brings it to the other side of Cas’ face. Castiel, without really think much of it, grabs hold of Deans collar on his leather jacket and pulls him in. Their lips slam together, not in a painful, embarrassing, sloppy way, but instead, is full of passion and unsaid feelings they've both been keeping in for years. Dean is thrown aback at first, but it doesn't take him but merely a split second to respond. He traces his way down Cas’ biceps and slithers his arms around his waist, willing Cas to come closer and close the gap between them, while the kiss deepens. Meanwhile, Cas has moved one hand up to the back of Dean’s neck, making sure he isn't going anywhere.  
    Dean somehow wiggles free from Cas’ grip, and starts to slowly and tenderly kiss his way down to Cas’ jawline and then to his neck, picking a spot right by the bottom of his ear and sucking hard. Cas throws his head back and makes a gravely moan that spurs Dean on to suck even harder. Dean moves up to kiss Cas’ still open mouth and bites his bottom lip. Their tongues are soon fighting for territory. Dean slides his hands up Cas’ body and into his roughed up hair, pulling it in a way that makes Castiel groan with pleasure. There’s still too much room between them and, god, Dean needs to be closer or he’ll explode, so he shifts his hands down to Cas’ shoulder and lower back and guides him onto his lap so he’s now straddling Dean. Cas runs his hands through the short hairs on the back of Dean’s head as Dean starts to rub small circles on Cas’ hips with his thumbs while sucking on and occasionally gently biting his bottom lip. Castiel kisses back and flicks his tongue across Dean’s upper lip. Dean starts to untuck Castiel’s shirt and shoves his hands up it. Shivers shoot up Cas’ back and down his arms as Dean slides his warm calloused hands up his bare sides. They explore Cas’ muscular and toned chest, ribs, and abdomen, and slowly makes their way to his lower back. He tugs at his hipbones and Cas starts slowly grinding their hips together. Cas breaks their heated kiss in need of air but his lips quickly make their way to right under Dean’s jawline and starts sucking and kissing. Dean let out a sharp breath and more shivers shot down Cas’ spine as he felt his warm breath spread over his cold skin. They’re both grinding, and kissing, and sucking at each other's necks, and everything they’ve been keeping in for fucking years is all rushing out at once though each and every movement. Both of their hearts are beating out of their chests, and their breathing is getting heavier by the second, and everything is building, and building, and building, until they crash.  
    They pull away from each other's mouths, resting their foreheads against one another, still breathing heavy. Dean’s hand is behind Cas’ head, while Cas’ hands are down on Dean’s sides. They open their eyes and bask in each other’s space for a minute, soaking as much of the other in, as if they'd never get the chance to again.  
    “That was… uh—”  
    “Pleasant,” Cas inferred.  
    “Yeah. Yeah, pleasant.” Dean agreed while a huge grin made its way across his face. Castiel can’t help but smile back. And right then, it hits     Dean that that’s one of the first times he’s ever seen the angel actually smile. Like a full out, real smile that had real happiness behind it, and he never wants it to end. Dean leans in again and lays a small peck on Cas’ still smiling mouth. The small gesture just made it widen even more.  
    “So how about we go get some sleep now before the sun decides to come up?” Dean asked.  
    “Only if I can sleep with you.”  
    “Wouldn’t want it any other way, buddy.”  
    Castiel climbs off Dean, and Dean feels a sudden sense of cold and loss, but know it won't be long till he gets to be close to Cas again. They crawl back into the Impala, and drive off. Castiel laid his head down on Dean’s thigh, and laid his body across the seat and started to let his mind wander and even drift off to sleep a little. Dean lets his fingers drift down through Cas’ hair. He can't get over how amazingly soft it is and doesn't think he’ll ever be able to. He drives as fast as he possibly can, determined to get back to the bunker and get cuddled up with Cas. Now, Dean has never seen himself as the cuddly type and still doesn’t, but with Cas, he knows it'll be different. There’s something about him, Dean doesn't know if it’s maybe the whole angelic thing, or because of the very profound bond they have, but every time he’s even close to Cas, even if Cas is just putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, a wave of calm and serenity rushed over Dean. It’s crazy to say but it just feels right, like he belongs there. Like home.  
    When they get to the bunker, they make sure to be real quiet on their way to Dean’s room. When they get there, Dean softly shuts the door and climbs into bed with Cas at his side. They bury themselves under the blankets and fall asleep in each other's arms, making sure not to let the other go. Dean can tell that Cas is more at peace with himself, and Cas can tell that whatever was bothering Dean earlier, was long gone, and forgotten about. In this moment, the whole world and everyone else in it, and all of their problems, and all of the shit they’ve had to deal with, and still have to deal with just dissolved. Cas was the only thing that Dean cared about right now in time, and Dean was the only thing Cas cared about. Everything else could wait till morning. Right now, they were home.

**Author's Note:**

> once again please leave some constructive criticism if you can so I can improve my writting! i hope you enjoyed the story!


End file.
